Archive for the ‘win prizes! be famous!’ Category

On the Media, one of my dearest podcasts, invited listeners to submit 12 word novels during November (NaWriNoMo). I just caught up to the results in last week’s episode. I may be anticipating another contest. Start counting words. Click below to see the actual results:

In the army, George discovered he was a coward. He told nobody

Obituary; first five words free?
She thought.
“Charles dead. Yacht for Sale.”


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I am officially closing the window for entries into our latest giant contest, coming up with a better movie for the cast of The Kingdom to appear in. Well, the competition was fierce, but since 50% of the entries submitted also included a vote that we publically recognize Mark’s brilliant work on this subject, there was no way to not honor him and still live with any kind of integrity. As well as eternal fame and glory, Mark will also be named as the honoree in the gift of Flock of Chicks through Heifer International. Gabe, thanks for trying. You are also kind of a winner.

For those of you who missed his work, a fantastic pitch with a graceful nod to the upcoming Dylan biopic I’m Not There (or maybe he invented it, and they just beat him to filming), here it is. I would see this in a theater, and then I would rent it again later. In a boat. With a goat.

The Kingdom (2009)
A Mark Film, reviewed by Mark

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I am bothered by the promotional blitz leading up to Universal’s Middle Eastern action-thriller The Kingdom, for many reasons. Some are tied to hunches I have about the film and deeply held convictions about God and peace and stuff. Another is that it looks like a very promising cast in a big, dumb, pandering movie.*

So, in the brutally competitive spirit of this site, you are invited to battle for the most interesting film pitch with this cast. The movie that makes me want to spend money to get into a dark theater wins. Second prize will be awarded for anything I would put in my Netflix Queue.

Write a brief description of characters and plot, with a summary and themes, or write up something in the style of movie trailer narration. Employ at least the lead actors from The Kingdom in the lead roles, but feel free to add supporting cast, or replace production staff at whim.

Entries that involve Jaime Foxx cross-dressing or undercover as a white person will be immediately disqualified (Collateral, Ray, Dreamgirls). The film also stars Jennifer Garner (Alias, 13 Going on 30, Daredevil), Chris Cooper (Adaptation, The Bourne Supremacy, Breach), Jason Bateman (Arrested Development), and a bunch of other people (okay, Jeremy Piven).

Submit your entry in the comments to this post. May the good Lord take a liking to ya.

Prizes may include one or none of the following: 1/4 pound of Coffee Klatch Sumatra beans; $5 gift certificate to Audio Lunchbox; 1/4 flock of chicks donated in your name through Heifer Int’l.

*If you’re excited about this film, I don’t hold it against you. Like I said, it’s a great cast. I could be convinced. But not for the purposes of winning this competition.

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Time to wrap this thing up, so I can get back to writing about the weather and commenting on my aches and pains. Oy, vey.

I didn’t really get 10 entries on topic, which was the condition for awarding a prize, but everyone’s work was so fantastic – just brilliant, really – that you are all winners in my book. I mean that.


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Entries rejected for insensitivity:

Five, four, three, two, one. . . .
Ground control to Major Tom:
Ignite psych profiles.

Spin, media, spin.
Houston, we have a problem.
Hope for star shooting.

Hell hath no fury
Like my alleged assault charge.
Final frontier, fool.


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Here’s the competition so far (just to save you some click-and-scroll time). I’ll keep the box open until Thursday, and then declare which writer is the most gifted poet in the World.

Orbit passion thwart
“zero-g and I feel fine”
Earthbound rubber tubes

White rocket flying
Love-tranced white-knuckled driving
Whom can I Depend?

In space, heads are home.
If hearts stayed weightless on Earth
We’d all jump the moon.

So early in life
So late in my sanity
It’s diaper time

disguise, pepper spray
BB-gun, new steel mallet
knife, rubber tubing


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A call for haikus:
Whose light verse will reign supreme?
The gauntlet is down.

Of this site’s three readers, I can think of two who are remarkably imaginative (yes, I mean you). This whole avenging astronaut story so lends itself to seventeen syllables, I cannot let the moment pass. I declare a contest: if I receive 10 submissions of haikus related to this story, I will award the most worthy with a prize.* Submit your work in the comments to this post.

This is meant to be neither exploitative nor to represent a prioritization of this story over the real news happening in the world.** But this little narrative is so chock-full of syllables too rarely put to verse, and captures so many themes at the heart of our culture; it is bursting with potential.

*Prizes may include one or none of the following: 1/4 pound of Coffee Klatch Sumatra beans; $5 gift certificate to Audio Lunchbox; 1/4 flock of chicks donated in your name through Heifer Int’l.

**Option 2: In haiku form, provide a brief reflection on the cultural and religious tensions dividing Sunni and Shia Muslims in Iraq, and a proposal for a movement towards peace in that arena.

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